🔗 Share this article

I have been friends with a woman, who has overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. But, she has been constantly blindsided by others. Her partner left her, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her friends disappeared during that time, as they were drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention toward our bond, likely understood better the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several in her circle have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us retired leading to more frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I start discussion points but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I attempt to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She is organizing a trip abroad I know well on several occasions even called home previously. I attempted to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She purely only wanted me to confirm her plans. I've just come back from four weeks in that country and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she can comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is seldom the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to ask how the two of you can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be effective in fostering understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a story regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out this way then consider your perspective. If you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have closure that you've been truthful.